Monday, October 15, 2012

Finally Finally Finally!

Well there is such big news around here, with so many great things to tell you about!  First, Karis has finally moved to NICU Room B : D  If I could make that little smiley huge I would because that is how I feel about it! I really miss the sweet nurses in the other room, but we have to keep moving in order to get our little cutie home.  Well if you are friends with me on Facebook then you know this already, but we finally got to hold Karis.  And let me tell you it was HEAVEN and is every time I hold her.  She is so sweet and snugly and oh her sweet smell.  She makes just the cutest little sounds and moves around a little.  I just love being so close to her and kissing the top of her little head.  She is just the sweetest baby every. Now when we do Kangaroo Care they only keep a pulse ox monitor on her so I get a little crazy listening for her breathing but I this will continue for a long time.  I was talking with my sister and remembering when her girls were little and I would watch them.  When they were babies I would always go into their room every 20 min or so to check they were breathing so you know I think I will be VERY crazy about it with my sweet girl. 
  As I thought before not many Moms are doing Kangaroo Care.  There is only 1 chair and two hour time slots per day. I don't know if they don't know about it or just don't want to inconvenience the nurses.  I really don't understand, but in all honesty it means I can do it more. I feel sad for the other Moms actually.  I think in many ways they are VERY BOUND by having to act a certain way because that is the Japanese way ( this is just what I think).  I mean I can't imagine any new Mom not wanting to snuggle with their baby for an extra hour after visiting time, out of the incubator.   It is the first true privacy that I or we have had as a family in 3 months since the NICU here is just two big rooms.
  In other BIG news about Karis- she made it to 4lbs today!!!!!!Yay for 4 lbs.  We didn't see any doctors today, so our update about Karis was very quick just from the nurse.  I asked Dr. Homa this weekend if he thought they would take her out of the incubator soon.  He couldn't give me a real answer, but of course more wait and see.  Actually, I feel ok about this one.  She is still so tiny, I don't think any of the other babies are that small that are in a crib. He said they would really like to see here stop having Brady episodes, where her heart slows down and also apnea with her breathing.  On Wednesday her gestational age will be 38 weeks.  He keeps telling me that soon this will go away. with age...I don't know it just seems like something we will have to wait out for now.
Prayer Request
  • For Karis to keep gaining weight
  • For her Apnea/ Bradycardia to resolve
  • As she starts to eat bottle or breast that the transition will be smooth. ( We are going to talk about this on Wednesday with the translator present)
    I want to share something I am taking part in this month- October is Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  I have found it very hard to not be able to grieve for Judah the way " I think" I should.  Having Karis in the NICU has forced me in many good ways, to keep moving.  But there is apart of me that wishes I could just be sad for Judah for days on end and cry and cry and cry. I often wonder if I am doing enough to remember him. It is just not fair that he is not here.  He was wanted and loved just as much as Karis, but we only had him here for such a few days.  It is hard not to have him creep into every big event we go though with Karis, I assume it will always be this way for me.  So, since this is the month of his original due date, I decided to participate in a group call Capture your Grief 2012 on Facebook, and have been posting things as they pertain to me. Well today October 15, is something called International Wave of Light Day.  At 7 pm you light a candle in memory of a lost child, and this continues all around the world.  Participating in this project has been so good for me.  It has given me an outlet to focus just on my love for Judah and my grief over his death.  I am going to make the pictures and what I wrote into a photo book.  I really liked how this will end on their original due date October 31.  On that day I want to spend it with my husband acknowledging our loss of our son.  I am writing about this because I want to make sure people know I am ok emotionally ( I think some of my facebook posts have concerned people who don't know what I am doing) I am just remembering our precious boy.

Here are some cute snuggle pictures for your enjoyment!!!
First snuggle with Mommy

Daddy snuggles are so nice!! I want to sleep on Daddy all the time!!

First Family photo outside "the box"!!!

This is the photo for Wave of Light-In memory of our babies- Judah Masaki Moore. For Carey and Jeremy Bear- In memory of Rudyard Bear, Desmond Bear, and Oscar Bear.  You will always be missed and loved.



Monday, October 8, 2012

Baby Steps

For all of you who prayed for our meeting- Thank you! We didn't really get the answer I wanted but the meeting wasn't all bad.  The short of it is this...the rule is no holding in Room A NICU and she can't be moved until a new baby comes in or she reaches 1800grams.  This has to do with insurance and how many nurses per baby are in that room.  If you know me personally then you won't be surprised that I am not certain I am getting the "whole truth" but I really can't dwell on that.  I am here in Japan and just have to go with what is being said.  There are days that I would love to be able to go completely ballistic and demand Karis be taken out ect ect... but that is not what God has called me to do.  I don't know why this trial was chosen for us, but we are here.  I am just going to try and glorify my heavenly father through it!  I could go on and on and explain more but really there is no need too. One of the best things that came out of the meeting is we will have a traslator with us every Wednesday.  I think it will be helpful for when we have "baby training" as I like to call it.  Dr. Chiba insisted it would be awhile until we could take Karis home because I needed to learn how to take care of her...umm ok?!?!? Well you know he is not confident I know how to change diapers and give her a bath....(really are you serious???) Breastfeeding ok yes I think this might be a challenge but praying it won't, but everything else...he was really serious too! Let's just say my silence was an act of God. Ok moving on from the meeting.  Karis' two main nurses were so funny that day when I went back in the afternoon!  Nurse Miyuki was in the meeting, and talked with us about Kangaroo Care. She is very sweet but knows little English, so it is a bit like charades communicating with her and then Yuko, who is such a blessing.  Well I needed to pump and usually they stick me in a corner in the other room behind some screens. Anyways, that day they said"Oh no one is near your incubator today, they have all been moved, so you can do it bedside with screens :) This made for one happy Mama! I hate the 20 min or so I lose if I have to pump.  So as they were setting up, Miyuki said, Quick now is your chance!!  No one will see you take her out and get a little hold in :)  Now, I am pretty sure they were joking, but they are so sweet to try and lighten the mood.  These two went on and on about how they just wanted to hold Karis :) I think it will be a happy day for everyone, when the time comes.    Speaking of Yuko, she really has been a blessing to me.  She is close to my age and just got married.  Her English is amazing and it really helps to be able to talk to at least one person who understands.  She even asked about putting Karis in clothes again, I didn't even ask her to, and the answer was YES!! At least while she is in NICU A room.  So happy me, the clothes my Mom brought won't go to waste and I ordered a few cute ones.  Also, the nurses love to dress her.  They make sure to take a picture of each outfit and keep it in her scrapbook. I was told even Dr. Homa was into it and picked out the cute poka dot one with her name on it!    In other news, I was blessed by a virtual baby shower.  Some of my very sweet friends and calvary friends had a party for Karis and I joined in with my morning coffee in hand.  It was so great to talk with these ladies who have prayed for us through everything.  Thank you for supporting and blessing us in this way. It was fun to celebrate my sweet girl.   Well, how is Karis you ask?  She is doing so well.  She is off her feeding pump and doing great with feeding.  Her edema seems to be better and for the past four days I have heard her alarm only go off once. I think some main things to still pray for are-
  • Her need to gain weight.  The doctors keep telling me it is fine, but if I compare other preemie babies at this stage she seems very small still and only gaining slowly. 
  • Eyes- continue to pray for her ROP test.  Her eye development is of course ongoing. We pray that her eyes will just continue to remain the same or even improve!
  • Upcoming- please pray for the time she will start to take a bottle or breastfeed.  Many micro preemies can develop an aversion to eating.  Please cover this in prayer as it is a very BIG thing that can impact her for a long time.  
  • Edema- she has had some problems with this, and they have taken her off the meds for it a few times, but she hasn't done well with out the medicine so please pray her kidneys would start working and keeping her water retention down. 
Here is  video I made for the virtual shower, it shows how far Karis has come in 12 weeks! What a miracle and testament to God's power and Grace <3 br="br">
video

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Meeting

Just a quick note, it is day 82 and I have yet to hold Karis.  She is off all oxygen, but still in an incubator.  She has passed 1500 grams, and is now 35 weeks.  All of these things are what I have been told needed to happen for when I could hold her.  Well still the big NO.  Today, I am going with a translator to talk about why?  In some ways I feel like our doctor is being a big Jerk.  Mostly because we don't bow down to him, and I did my research about what to expect. Our translator talked with him on the phone and basically it is a "rule" no holding in the level A NICU.  Well that is not exactly true because there are a few parents who have held their babies.  But I think this is mostly because those babies are in the NICU long term.  Anyways please pray for me in the next 2 1/2 hours is the meeting.  If there really is a medically reason, then of course I don't want to do anything to harm Karis, but if it is just a "rule" then....   They told our translator that Karis will be the next baby moved to the B room when a new case comes in and then I can hold her.  Well I know the have the room and A room is getting crowded so I am just going to ask the they move her now.  The doctor said when the next emergency baby comes in then they will move Karis.  Of course I can not pray that any baby ends up in the NICU so please pray with me that they will just say ok we will move her.  On Monday she was very fussy, and nothing I did really seemed to help.  In my heart I knew all she wanted was for me to pick her up and cuddle her....I think it is time.  Please pray with us that God would intervene!!!  As for Karis her health is great, she is eating like a champ but she has a little edema (water retention) the have taken her off the drug they give her twice with no luck!  Let's pray that she will be able to come off of it soon!  Thank you for all your prayers.  On a side note I am doing something this month to remember Judah.  It is called Capture your Grief 2012- everyday I will post something different to remember Judah by.  I can't think of anything more fitting for this month.  My due date was Oct 31 so I think this will and already has helped me with my Grief.  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.htmlI will be posting most of it to facebook and then making a memory book later to keep. Here is a cute picture of our little fighter.
This is a close as I get to holding her.  I jam my arm and hand all the way through and sit very close to her incubator with my face right next to hers....oh the joy I will feel with her in my arms! Someday