Friday, May 25, 2012

Fear Not

Fear Not- did you know that this is the most common command in the bible.  Fear Not is something that I have been thinking about and continue to pray about.  What does that truly mean? If I am being honest, this is a lesson I have already learned. I am sure actually more than once, but here I am again with an uncertain heart. Before I gave up my life in America to follow WHEREVER the Lord would lead, I was fearful.  Full of fear that I would miss my family too much, that I would fail, that I would be to lonely, that it could be uncomfortable, and the list could go on and on. But after God took hold of my heart and I truly surrendered, I was able to follow Him with out fear.  I thought I would end up somewhere in the African bush, but He had other plans. Then last year after the earthquake, again I had to learn to fear not. I had a hard couple months with post traumatic stress, but the Lord taught me again that if He is with me what is there to fear.  So, my mind wonders if I was willing to go all the way to Africa and trust him with out fear, and stay during the scariest earthquake I hope to ever experience with more than 500 aftershocks.  Then why can't I seem to consistently do it now with my babies at this time in my life?
Now, if you know me in person you know I have a hard time hiding how I feel so, sometimes I am afraid to not write only positive things. But really my days are truly a yo-yo of feelings. It seems to me that if I really think about my future, most of the outcomes seem fearful. No babies, very sick babies, only one baby...I am going to be very truthful here.  I pray and hope and plead with God every day for none of these outcomes, and truly believe that Only He can work this kind of amazing miracle.  But, my mind always fights back with what is the mostly likely outcome.  My mind says don't hope too much or you will crumble when it doesn't happen. I guess the only thing I can cling to at the moment is, God is still here. Even when I lack, He doesn't leave me.  For that I am forever thankful. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

On to a BLESSING- Thursday morning, Clifford and I got up early in order to Skype with my home church Calvary Chapel St. Pete.  Through skype we prayed for by our pastor and church congregation.  This was such an encouragement and blessing to us both. It is so amazing to know people in America are praying for us and our babies.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers. While sometimes it may not seem like a lot, the truth is our prayers are an act of worship to God. I think of them as an act of daily faith that He hears us.  Another blessing for me the music before and after truly touched my heart in a deep way.  One of the songs that was sung had a chorus I think but it said " I called, you answered, you came to my rescue, and I want to be where you are."  Sometimes it seems the Lord has to come to my rescue multiple times a day due to my fear, but He hasn't stopped yet :)   Here is a picture of us skyping into church.

We are now going to doctor appointments every other week.  Not super happy about that but I don't think I could convince the doctor otherwise.

No new info on the babies :( but I can tell I am still leaking fluid.  Some days are worse than others. 
What I do know is that week 18- 24 are when babies start to practice their breathing so these are some important weeks for our babies.

Please pray that
I continue to stay infection free!!  This on is very important or I could go into labour and they might not be able to stop it.
For both babies fluid to increase and for their sacks to reseal.
That both have enough fluid to help develop their lungs. 
For mental strength and spiritual encouragement for Clifford and I, the idea of 2-3 more months of bed rest is daunting. 

Thank you friends for your support and prayers on our behalf.


1 comment:

  1. I have walked in your shoes and the problem about fear which we all tend to battle with, is that you are in torment. One minute you're up and in faith and then down and in worry and fear. The enemy doesn't ever ever let up in trying to destroy you. The one thing I find myself reminding myself of is the fact that there is never a test that we go through that the Lord has not ALREADY equipped us to handle. It is an open book test. He said that WITH THE TEMPTATION, He provides a way of escape so that we can bear it. So thankful when we are too close to the situation that he has prayer being sent up for us. What the DEVIL meant for evil, God will TURN IT TO YOUR GOOD. We WIN no matter what it looks like. The devil, didn't know that when he attacked Jesus, he was sealing his own fate. Right now, this is Godly seed you are carrying and the devil doesn't know he is going to get his teeth and butt kicked for messin with you and Clifford and Baby A and Baby B. Love you and continually thanking our Heavenly Father for VICTORY!!!! Luv u bunches!!!. Luv, Gaye